Let’s get to it. Enjoy!

1. But first coffee..

I promised myself I would go to the gym in the evening, but something came up at work and I could not make it. Again 🤦‍♀️

Happens, right? Again and again. From time to time. Nothing I can do about it. Work is a priority, they need me. Gym can wait. 🤷‍♀️

This was me a while ago. And I was used to it. Not happy about it, but was fine 👍. That is what I thought.

Hoping nothing will come up at work and then I can do it. 🎉

Until one day.. when I saw it. Looked like was fine, when in fact..

▶ I was stressed & overwhelmed 😧
▶ I was quite a few kg extra & I was eating unhealthy 🍕🍟🍔🍩🧁
▶ I was being angry at others and at myself 😤
▶ I had not much trust in myself, and a lot of hope 🤞

And I had some good reasons why 😃

▶ “But something came up at work and I could not make it.”

What I was actually thinking: “Nothing I can do about it. I have no choice. Sport is no good enough reason why to say I cannot help this evening.”

How I see it now: Actually, something always comes up, something always happens. The power is here with me, I can choose to say no to work and go to the gym. Or I can choose to say yes to work and not go to the gym. What’s the difference? My life, my rules. I can make the choice consciously, it’s my choice, my power, and not an external thing that I have no control over. 💪🚀💥

▶ “But I was not in the mood anyway.”
What I was actually thinking: “I have to align my moods, my feelings, the sun and the stars to go to the gym.” 🌞⭐

How I see it now: Well, moods are unpredictable, so just grab your stuff and get out the door! 🎬

▶ “But my work always comes first.”
What I was actually thinking: “This is a good reason. I can use it to justify with myself and with others.”

How I see it now: Sometimes I use “But my daughter always comes first.” So which one comes first? 😃

I have priorities of which I am aware, more or less.

And … “My well-being comes … when?” Sometime in the future. Not now.

I’m not talking about when something unexpected happen, like my daughter being sick, that is a different story.
And I’m not talking about being perfect, that is a different story too. I’m talking about when I can do it, but I just have the same reasons why.

The Moral: keep the promises I make to myself for my well-being.

 

2. Everything is temporary..

2 years ago I was doing everything. Work. Family. Sport. Intensive courseS (means not only one 😀).

Until… a friend said “Do you ever stop and just do nothing? Do you allow yourself this?”
I was shocked. My thought was: “OMG, I do not stop, there’s always something to do!” 😱
I did not have a day off. Sunday? The perfect time to do stuff and catch up.

I was SURVIVING. 😧
I was EXHAUSTED. 😫

I stopped and said to myself “This is not working. It’s time for me to take care of myself. What’s actually going on?”
A deeper look at that and.. You’ll be surprised!

I wanted people to like me. No was not an option for me. I did not have boundaries.

So I started creating them. Here is one:

“No calls on Sunday. No work on Sunday. Just nothing planned on Sunday.”

First month, terrible, CONSTRAINING. Hard to stick with it. Finding excuses to use Sunday. I did not even know what to do with the time. 😩

A few months later, FREEDOM. Fun. Peace. No calls. No answering to messages. And I make sure to let people know I am not available. ✨

And now, 2 years later, the boundary is still in place. And.. I just caught myself last Saturday, I was going to put in some work for Sunday. That was close 😀

Here’s my invitation. Consider making your life work. Keep creating boundaries and learn to stick to them. It’s a journey. It’s FREEDOM.

The Moral: Creating boundaries sucks for a while and then it’s freedom.

 

3. I’m tired..

I’m tired. I work hard. I’m trying to to prove something to myself and the world. I’m trying do it right. I want to get somewhere. To perfection.

In my definition of perfect (which I’m not clear what that is 😀) I’ve been 90% perfect, not ever reaching 100%:

▶ perfect mother for my daughter

▶ perfect at having a healthy lifestyle

▶ perfect at being a coach

▶ perfect at doing everything I said I’ll do

▶ perfect at keeping my house in order

And I’m tired. So

▶ Sometimes I sleep in on a Saturday while my daughter watches cartoons and has some sweets for breakfast

▶ Sometimes I’m listening to Ed Shareen on a Sunday morning, have a cappuccino and a croissant; and 2 beers and a pizza for lunch

▶ Sometimes I have a nap after lunch (like yesterday 😀)

▶ Sometimes (actually, most of the times :D) the house is not order and I don’t do anything about it

You won’t believe it, but..

▶ My daughter is happy.

▶ My health is doing well.

▶The people I work with are happy.

▶ My house is doing well too 😀.

The Moral: Do less, be less perfect at everything. What am I trying to prove to myself and to the world?

 

4. I’m a doer..

I used to, and still do sometimes 🫣, validate myself by how much I do. I’m a doer. 🔥
I do, do, do, and then I can say,
“Well done, Andra!” 👏
“You’ve worked hard, go buy yourself something nice!” 👗👠👜

As a doer, pausing and reflecting sounded for me like a waste of time 🥱.
I could do something with that time! 🤯
Why should I even bother with looking at my behaviours? What could change? It’s fine and I’m not going to be satisfied anyway. 🤓

I do love coaching, I’d do it with someone else.
But self-reflection … I’ve struggled with that. 🫣

What I discovered:
▶ It’s an opportunity to pause, observe myself (without judging, that would be recommended!) and approach situations differently in the future. 🙌
▶ I thought I know myself, but in reality I’m mostly on autopilot 👩‍✈️. So I became curious about myself. Discovering why I act the way I do, what my intentions are, makes the difference. 🤩
▶ It’s an opportunity to acknowledge myself, how I’ve grown and also to accept when I am ineffective. 👏
▶ Sometimes it sucks 🥴. I see things I could have done better. I justify myself. I blame others. And that’s fine too 👍. Part of the process too.

Some ideas on where to start from with self-reflection:
▶ Ask yourself some questions, such as “How could I have been more effective in the meeting yesterday? What did I avoid?”, “What worked? What did not work?” – this week or today or in the meeting. The choice is yours.
▶ Do it on your own by closing your eyes (or not), keep a journal, talk to a friend or colleague.
▶ Schedule time to do it.
▶ Start small (or not) – take 5 minutes (or 1 hour).

The Moral: Take time to reflect. Weekly. Daily. Whatever works.

 

Now it’s your turn to stop and reflect:

  • What do you take away from these stories?
  • Do you recognise yourself in any of them?
  • Is there a boundary you want to create that will bring you freedom?