Do you work more than you plan?
I am talking about working overtime. We have all done that. I am sure there are some exceptions. So “all – some” have done it.
Paid, unpaid overtime.
Planned, unplanned overtime.
I am a very experienced “overtimer” 😀
Unscheduled overtime? My favorite!
When I’m about to finish work, someone asks me to do something. What do I do at that moment?
“Should I stay or should I go?”
I have always stayed unless I had a good reason not to.
And that good reason has been approved by me and communicated. Here are a few of them:
- I have a doctor’s appointment
- I have to pick up my child from kindergarten
- I have to go to a birthday party
Here are a few reasons that I did not think are good enough to use:
- Going to the gym
- Staying in bed and reading a book
- Cooking
- No particular plan, maybe just watch a movie or play with my daughter. I have not decided yet.
And surprisingly, when I traded on those reasons, most of the time I did it to fit in with others, to be liked, to look good, to prove myself something. And what I was getting was frustration. I didn’t belong to myself, as Brené Brown puts it.
I didn’t know what my boundaries were, what my non-negotiables were.
What in your life do you want to keep doing, and you keep trading it for work?
It could be sports, spending time with family, cooking, staying in bed and reading a book, chill out and watching a movie.
If you will say, “I like to help. And I’m not doing it today, I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”, you don’t have to justify and explain yourself. You just need to tell yourself that you’re allowed to do what you want and that you choose to stop for today. Putting out fires is always possible.
In the Licence to Lead program, Becca and I work with the participants with a tool called “Your life, your rules”. As part of the tool, we make some recommendations.
- Define your boundaries, your non-negotiables. Example: Stop working at 5pm.
- Make sure you communicate that you want to stop working at 5pm. People expect you to be available because they’re used to it. So, you need to learn to communicate your new availability, your boundaries. And keep doing it, until they’ve got it. Remind them. They’ll have no idea that you’re working to change some things. Let them know that you’ll not take emails/problems/phone calls after 5pm. You’ll respond the next day. Also look at how you communicate this. I recommend authenticity 😀. Example: “I’m creating a new boundary, I plan to finish work at 5pm”. Whatever works for you. Don’t go into the “WHY”. The why is important to you, not to the others. Your “WHY” is yours.
- If you say “no,” don’t justify yourself. Don’t use reasons. There is never a reason good enough for you that I think is good enough for me. It’s still a reason. I don’t need somebody else to tell me what is more important. I’m not saying, “Never break the rule.” That’s up to you. I’m just saying, 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟, 𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮.
You can find out more about the Licence to Lead program here.
Andra, Leaders Being Heard
